Can i not drive my cunt home
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
