The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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