Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
