You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
