Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
