I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
