I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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