If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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