Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
