sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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