Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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