guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
