I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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