I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
