Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
