My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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