I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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