We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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