i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
