After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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