my phone cant type all the emotion im having
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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