are you still at the devil's house?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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