if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
