is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
