your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fuck appropriateness.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
