my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
