Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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