She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
