On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
organizing the empties. That sober.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
