I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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