He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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