Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
