he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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