Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I deserve this hangover.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
