He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
