Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize