i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
