White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize