I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How naked do you want me to be?
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