I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
