Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
