Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize