Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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