I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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