Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
