Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
