Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
