I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
