Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
