last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
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