You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
