My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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