Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
