Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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