get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
