probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
