I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
