Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
