Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
