he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
