im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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