the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
