I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Boobs speak an international language.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
