Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
