omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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