to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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