you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
