Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
