is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize