So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
