I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
