He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
