Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
