I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
