Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
