the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
