It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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