I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize