Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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