Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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