1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
