its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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