oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
