I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
