Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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